Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
