rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
