weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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