I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
