Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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