it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
