im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
