Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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