If i come over, it means nothing
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
