So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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