Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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