in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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