Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
