I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
