That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
