I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize