The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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