he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
