I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
