My room smells like vodka and shame
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
