Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you didnt know i had herpes?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
