I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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