Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
