is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
