he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
