I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
