Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Randomize
