I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
