I didn't shave. On purpose
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
