11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
