so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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