these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
