I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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