She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
