I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
