I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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