the condom got lost in my hair
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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