i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
