Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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