ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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