took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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