omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
