there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
