clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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