But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
