I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it's like heaven, but drunker
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
