she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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