Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
