and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
