he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
