I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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