Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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