so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
