Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize