my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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