Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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