I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
