Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize