I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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