Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
