Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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